I guess I wrote about marriage

People often tell me it’s a good thing that I don’t have a boyfriend. “You need to focus on yourself right now. Relationships are hard.” I should be happy I’m not so unfortunate as they are. One friend suggested marrying a rich man who could take care of my debt. Another friend who knows me better said I should marry a gay guy. That way I could benefit without paying a price I can't afford.
Sometimes I suspect I am a walking beacon. Not the kind that offers hope to a ship lost on a stormy night, but the kind that flashes a warning that something’s not right. My existence disquiets people. They calm themselves by offering advice or assuring me that my situation is in some way better than theirs however awful it may seem. It really seems more awful to them than it does me, which is why they have to fix it.
Relationships may be hard, but I find them easier than being alone. It’s easier to ask for something if I’m paying for it in another way. It’s easier to fix someone else’s problems than to face my own. It’s easier to fall asleep at night with someone next to me. It’s easier to argue with another person than my own thoughts. It’s easier to cry over a breakup than the ghosts of my past.
I went the easier way for awhile, as long as I could. It wasn’t until the easier way became an impossibility that I turned around and began to trudge in the opposite direction.