On Our 40th Anniversary, by Kristy

It started with a kiss...

No it didn't, it started with a near-miss.

Teeth clacked and brains wracked and all that goes along with it.

I like to say it started with a kiss. 

But it didn't, no it started with a teeth kiss,

A jarredness,

A silliness,

A grin and then a collapse into each other's grasp

Because you see we were drunk,

But I hate to put it that way, yuck.

It was the love of a lifetime but it started with a clunk.

I'd like to say we looked into each other's eyes and all that junk

But we didn't because we were drunk and our heads hurt.

We didn't see each other that well; I'd spilled on my shirt.

We saw straight into each other's souls, past the dirt

Or would have if we'd been in the shape to. Like I said our heads hurt.

Later on we lived together.

It was nice when I wasn't picking up cat hair

From your damn pets. They'd sit in my favorite chair

And stare and I wished they'd go anywhere...else.

When they died I held you closely.

You took DayQuil and sagged comatosely

Instead of listening to the speech I morosely

Composed in honor of you (not Them, are you joking me??).

That all seemed silly when we had a child.

He was loud and brave and quite a bit wild.

Hard to believe he came from acts of love (we smiled)

Which, to be honest, at this point were pretty mild.

When our looks, average at best, depreciated

And we both really, really hated

To look in mirrors, we debated,

Then held hands and smashed them till we were sated.

A lawyer told us to make a will

So we sat down and thought real still.

Did we have anything worth a shekel?

We did decide on gravestones; it was a thrill

To see it on paper like so:

Bill and Edna Schroeder-Threadnow

Married [blankety-blank] years ago

Will lay forevermore together in this row.

Now forty years have passed and I swear

I wish I remembered something more romantic to share.

We're not dead yet and life's not a nightmare...

Oh well, here's to you, dear.